But still

Today is one of those days. Sitting here in this sanctuary, looking out through the double doors, the sky is dark and overcast as we wait for the possibility of our first snow – just flurries perhaps.

But still.

There is a chant very quietly playing and I am overcome by a sense of deep contentment and well being. No place to go. Nothing to do. Just being. It has taken years to come to this place and if I am not mindful, I miss it. The Quiet beneath all the activity of the world and of my life. But still. I have finally come to this place through determination and great effort, letting go of judgement. Just watching. Finally, just being in the freedom of the witness.

I have been off the grid for so long that it is as if I have gone off the trail and now, deeply embedded in these woods, I come to a clearing. A plain that is vast. Pristine. I couldn’t find my way back now if I tried. That way is no longer my way. No turning back, I follow something that called me into this interior. That is what this pilgrimage has been all about. Moving more and more into the mind and heart. 

I try to explain this but it is beyond words. I try to teach this but it is beyond teaching, I hope I can only communicate this by my being – just being in the world. Silent. In this moment. Trusting that this contentment radiates to all others. 

Here I am sitting and simply being. And, there are the Eyes of the Guru looking back at me and in that glance, complete and total compassion washes over me. “Place your burdens at my Feet.” Imagine that. Placing it all at the foot of the One. 

“In order that your needless anxieties cease, make sure that all your burdens are placed on me through the courageous act of depending totally on grace.”*

It doesn’t seem as courageous as much as selfish. Who is worthy of such a Gift? Who is not? This dependence totally on grace is more than an invitation. More than a teaching. It is a Reality. All is dependent upon Grace. And, so I follow again, in complete surrender. It is incomprehensible. Inexplicable. Beyond understanding.

But still. 

 

 

*Padamalai – page 25 – Muruganar

Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi

 

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