Yesterday morning, my meditation included a simple visualization that arose spontaneously. I saw a vase that had shattered. The pieces were really big and the glass thick. In the place where the vase stood, was an illuminated shape. The same as the vase, but of Light. What could this mean? Do I see myself as broken? Or am I an illuminated being IN a broken body?
Am I broken? This comes as I approach another medical appointment this week. After months of blood work, scans, and exams. The issue today is with my hips which have lost all cartilage due to a rare birth issue. The pain is brutal and the loss of range of motion makes simple tasks very difficult. Like walking. Or standing. Bending over to dress.
Aging is not easy. As the body declines the mind can follow. Or not. Can it be that simple?
I think so but only with persistent practice; that is what is hard. Persistence means to repeat over and over the same teaching! To return to the same feelings and beliefs. And, to have a method to transform and transcend the little mind. The broken mind.
Maybe with a mantra, as in japa. Maybe with certain readings and practices. And, certainly, in Silence.
And, for me, having dear friends who tirelessly listen to me yammer on and on. Who don’t judge me. Who have read my writings over the years. Who have been supportive these many decades. My God. How did I come to deserve such friends? Thank you.
My appointment with the surgeon is Wednesday and I hope he’ll schedule the procedure Thursday. I know. It’s the Fourth of July. But maybe he doesn’t like baked beans.
I hope as soon as possible I can walk without wincing and lift the right leg without groaning. And bike ride. And hike. And, while going through this, I hope I can remember those in chronic pain, honoring their own spiritual journey and path. Seeing them as Illuminated Beings.
This being human is a heck of a pilgrimage! As this body ages and declines, I have to practice even harder to remember that there is a part of the mind that is illuminated by the truth of love, compassion and mercy. If I choose to be in that Illuminated Mind, I find something that is ageless. An ageless body of light. It goes by many names. I think I want to remember this now. All of my life has led to this Remembrance. I still will go to the doctor’s and have procedures, but the mind can be at peace through this. Appointment to appointment, scan by scan. Procedure by procedure. I can be present and at peace.
That is what we are all seeking, are we not? To be happy. To be content with ourselves as we are.
And – really? What other choice is there? Light is the choice for freedom. Love is the choice for healing. Compassion is the choice for joining with all others, without exception. Especially anyone suffering for any reason. These are my thoughts today that came from this simple contemplation which I hope illuminates your own mind.
May you each find support for whatever process you are struggling with in your life. And, may you find yourself the listener, the witness, to someone else’s struggle. May we each find that we have a choice.
To be broken.
Or to remember our Illumination.