YOU’VE WATCHED MY DESCENT. NOW WATCH MY RISING. Rumi
These words have been an anthem for me this past year. Attributed to the great poet saint, Rumi, they have been my trail-markers, as the months ticked away. They helped light the way with a wisdom that innately tells us to have faith. Trust the process. My own process was one of deep introspection. I withdrew from the world and in some ways, collapsed. I allowed myself to retreat and to turn inward in a most intense way.
It was the hardest year of my life, and of course, the most telling. And, it was the most fruitful. In a lifetime of seeking, the past year was a template of the entire pilgrimage I have traveled.
For the purpose of this blog, I can summarize by saying this: I finally really surrendered and made peace with myself and with all the conditions of my life. Looking at each decision and each consequence, I came to a quiet acceptance. I looked into my heart and all that motivated me these 66 years with a brutal honesty and accepted the path I took, and in particular, the decision to live simply and with few material possessions. I looked at all of this and surrendered to it.
This was it. This is where I am. This is who I am. I took the right path for me. I can let go now and sigh and even admit to the courage it has taken to get me where I am. The peace I have found was hard fought. And, worth it.
Radical reconciliation I call it. I found the peace I have sought these long decades. The Pearl of Great Price.
For now, what I want to share with you is this. There is a gift in withdrawing from life. The gift of retreat. It is permission to stop and rest and to reassess your life. And, it is an opportunity to be released from the constant anxiety that might be driving you and that seems to motivate so many of us.
Allow yourself to simply look. Watch. Wait. And, most importantly, not to judge. You can pause and recuperate and reevaluate who you are and how far you might be traveling from your real dreams and passions. And, stop.
Place it all out there on a chessboard and look at the moves you’ve made and the ones you continue to make today. And, judge not. This is most important. Simply look and allow a space to arise. This is compassion. With judgment suspended, compassion naturally arises. It is spacious by its nature and it is the nature of your own mind.
The space will arise. A space like a deep, deep breath will occur to you. And, in that space, something new might suggest itself to you. A fresher look at your life. A new perspective. Without judgment, you might not need to be so driven.
Accept yourself as you are. Right now. Let acceptance become the gift you bring to the world. See the world and all its inhabitants with deep compassion accepting them as they are. Just for now. And watch your mind ascend and take wing.
“You’ve watched my descent. Now watch my rising.”
I have been aware that my greatest teachings have come from what I perceived as my greatest mistakes. I know it seems trite but this is not so easy to reconcile in your life. It looked as if I failed on so many levels, but maybe what I was trying to do was to live by a different standard. Maybe I wanted to know if it is really possible to “love one another and love your enemies” and maybe I found it all depends on what I do in my own heart. Maybe I had to fall in love with myself. Unconditionally.
“You’ve watched my descent. Now watch my rising.” These are the words of my own reconciliation and I share this with gratitude, humbled by all that has brought me along through this life. I share this with you with the hope that you find your own peace and reconcile yourself to your life as it is now.
That way, I can watch your rising.
Contact me if you are ready to have a Witness to your own rising. This is why I am here. To serve from my own work and experience and to support you in healing and finding peace.
Nellie Lauth, MSW